Where did that meltdown come from?

Yesterday I lost my shit. Today I apologized.   It was when I roared at myself and stopped my shaking, clenched fist from smashing the composite photo frame on the wall by the kitchen that the storm broke. The frame, a birthday gift to my wife from my son, remains empty of our memories; happy snaps of other faces greet visitors, who always want to know who the smiling, sunny, joyous people are.   Earlier I had felt the force of adrenaline, held in abeyance by pharmaceuticals and hopefully self-awareness, surging through me and my vision blurred narrow, focused only on … Continue reading Where did that meltdown come from?

Wrestling with Darkness

(This from around 13th July when I was plumbing the depths and trying to articulate the maelstrom in my mind) Maybe I should be talking about this. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I’m not alone. In fact I’m pretty sure I’m not but at the moment it’s my dilemma and I’m trying to deal with it here.  When you just want to get through the day to escape with sleep. When you can’t focus on anything for longer than a few minutes…..well by that I mean focusing on things that ‘matter’, things that need to get done as opposed to the … Continue reading Wrestling with Darkness

What to expect and why

I’ve been thinking about blogging for years. I even started a boat project blog somewhere long ago, which unlike the project, which is dormant now but has its moments of productivity, is completely moribund. It probably is still there somewhere: I’m actually scared to look. I don’t have any amazing revelations to share, any crackpot theories (okay I may have those tendencies lurking) to expound, or hobbies I particularly want to devote myself to writing about. Which is why I was confused when wordpress asked me to define what my blog was going to be focussing on. Well I had … Continue reading What to expect and why